Balancing Act

Throughout my life I've been on a hopeless quest.  One not altogether less fanciful than quests for the Holy Grail or the Fountain of Youth.  I have sought for balance.

Now physically I have good balance.  In fact, I've been amazed that some activities I find quite easy some friends find impossible.  And yet I'm sure that I've consciously or subconsciously avoided "balancing acts" I was not able to perform.

The other day I was considering my life and the use of my time and once again I desired balance.

First I was thinking of my current level of inefficiency.  Every moment of life is filled.  Time does not stop to wait for you to decide or figure out what to do next.  You may like what fills your time or not, but something is going to fill your time.  It is in this filling of time that I am balanced challenged.

I've some how developed the belief that time is wasted if I am not physically active or mentally taxed.  (For example: writing often counts, but reading and praying -- although I enjoy them and understand their value -- don't count.)  Yet it is not enough for me to merely be active.  I must try to stuff too much in a set amount of time -- efficiency, but a distorted form.  "Get it done quickly, so I can get something else done."  (Even if I don't know what the something else is.)  This compulsion is so deep that it is how I eat.

But there is no end to this assembly line type of thinking.  The result is often a lot of anxiety and little joy.  There may be a sense of satisfaction, but you've no time to enjoy what has been done.

This self-evaluation of my imbalanced idea of efficiency and productivity led me to think about other types of balance.  Interaction with other I find terribly challenging, for example.  I want it (and everything) to be easy and intuitive.  If it is not, I drop it.  That's a problem though, for balance is not a static state; it is dynamic.

Balance whether physical, mental, spiritual, or social is never a single achievement that we can then dust our hands from as accomplished and move on to something else.  Let me illustrate.

A tightrope walker -- no matter how good he is -- is always making adjustments to maintain balance.  At first the adjustments are too large and made when he feels he is on the verge of falling.  During this beginning stage he will often fall.  Yet, because he is determined to learn and master the skill, he starts again.  He learns to use the tools available to assist him.  And as he learns he over-corrects (reacts) less and less, for he learns to make small on-going corrections rather than waiting till he is about to fall.

The only way we can ever have true balance in any area of our lives is through God.  When we try to walk the tightrope, we fall.  The ground is "safer" and much easier, so many just give up.  Yet Jesus tell us that the way to salvation is narrow while the way to distraction is wide -- so the ground is not so safe after all.

So you get back on the tightrope and try very hard.  But you over-react to maintain your balance and fall off the other side.  You get frustrated and tell God that you can't do it!  The rope is too narrow and the balancing tools are too heavy.

At that moment He asks if you want help.  Help has always been available, but you wanted this to be your achievement.  You wanted God to be proud of you (because we often confuse pride with love).   You didn't want Him (or anyone else) to see how weak you are.  But success without personal instruction and assistance is impossible.  You have two options: give up and walk away or give up and accept God's help.

Instruction comes from many sources -- the Bible, inspired writings, visual lessons (nature), failures, sermons, etc.  So with the Holy Spirit as our teacher we learn first to choose appropriate balancing tools -- things that constrain us and keep us balanced as we learn the principles and trust God's love.  We learn how to pray continually (small on-going corrections to our balance) and don't wait till we're about to fall.  (Remember the disciples in the storm?)  We learn to rely on God's continual presence -- to depend on Him.

Each of us have several areas of imbalance in our lives.  Of some we are painfully aware and perhaps have given up on.  Others we seem to enjoy -- we keep getting back on the rope but seem to hope we will fall off again.

I said we have two options regard our quest for balance, but actually there are three: 1) give up and stay in the wide way, 2) don't give up, don't accept help, and keep falling off (by the way you will eventually end up in the wide way because you are spending most of your time on the ground instead of on the rope), 3) give up and trust yourself to God's instruction.

You may not like that I say, "You must give up to learn."  But Paul said, "I die daily."  And Jesus said, "Take up your cross (an instrument of death) and follow me."  Unless we let self (getting the credit for the "success") die -- that is giving up -- we will never walk the tightrope.  Unless we are willingly saying, "Not I, but Christ" -- we will never maintain balance in our lives.